In which I relate a personal anecdote about some total assholes

Yesterday I was rudely awakened by some (I'll go ahead and assume) drunken assholes who decided that 1 AM was a great time to test the maximum acceleration and braking limits of their huge pickup truck, and that the section of gravel road in front of my house was the perfect place to do it. I stumbled out of bed to try to get a look, but couldn't make out much of what was happening from my window. I could hear (windows closed mind you) blaring country music, (contemporary country music, the shitty kind) shouting, and vehicle doors slamming. My brain went from drowsy and annoyed to wide-fucking-awake and rather intensely concerned about the intentions of aforementioned drunken assholes. I waited for the dogs to start barking as I tried in vain to see what the hell they were doing, all the while hoping I wouldn't have to fetch Shogo the Friendly 12ga. from under my bed. The dogs never barked, and the drunks drove off a bit later, (30 seconds? 2 minutes? I'll admit I felt quite a bit of the stress-induced time compression some people insist doesn't exist) leaving me unable to get back to sleep for another hour or so, assholes.

The next morning I went to work (still tired, assholes) and related this story to my boss, who tells me, funny thing; at about 2:30 AM some other assholes walked into the accounting office of our illustrious employer REDACTED brandishing a gun, and walked out with a bit over $100000 cash. Fortunately no one was hurt, it could have easily turned out much, much worse. Thank Jebus Illinois law provides for a safe working environment for thieves, assholes.

DUI and armed robbery, what an exciting day. I just know I'll see them in hell; watching Baphomet and Anubis take turns browsacking each one of them for eternity, and laughing, assholes.